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A collaboration over too much coffee.
coffee and pen

17 November, 2004

The Waiting

I wander under a harvest moon,
Thirsty, and on tired feet,
Should I pause by the park bench,
Or to bed ought I retreat?

I rest until a watchman’s bell,
Disturbs my silent wait,
Another night is past, I sigh,
Tears enslave my gait

Fourteen days of counting,
Unforgiving is the morning,
I ache, I want, I yearn for you,
Does tonight bring a dawning?

I am wandering yet again,
Somewhere you wander too,
And our paths will intersect,
An alliance be born anew.

Close my eyes and imagine you,
You elude yet my sight,
My arms open wide I wait,
To become a part of the night.

At last am face to face,
Do you recognize me at all,
Winged Lord of timeless time,
Fated to meet me in the fall.

Read my thoughts as only you can,
The body burns with desire,
Seal the alliance with a kiss,
And take away this fire.

Heed my very last clarion call,
Blood to bloodless make,
Join your lips to mine, my love,
For eternity’s sake.



Blogger SPECKLED_BAND said...

Shades of the Metaphysicals here...Marvell, Herrick...?

17 November, 2004 16:13  
Blogger zigzackly said...

First verse, last line - a tad strained.

Otherwise i like. And yet another level when i see the context.

17 November, 2004 17:43  
Blogger Max Babi said...

Rhyming does not always make a good poem
some of us feel the sinking feeling in the
pit of the stomach that only very insipid
teachers at school could invoke.
Strained verse is right, as Peter says
though about one line. The whole poem sounds
strained to me.

Tears enslave my gait is a typical concocted
line that would make no sense to a poet in
his or her right senses. Did you cry enough
tears to fill a pond that the gait was enslaved?
There are better words to rhyme with 'wait'
and gait seems like a six footer stuffed inside
a four foot long coffin.

Also this dichotomy of hating soppy verse about
love and then writing this sort of a poem, does
not suit your brassy, brazen outspoken image
that you have cultivated so painstakingly.

Rewrite this poem, plese, or better still delete
it. We shall not breathe a word to anyone ...

cheers !

22 November, 2004 00:44  
Blogger manisha lakhe said...

you are funny max...but pete caught the refernce: this was written directly inspired from the vampire poem on the message board...i have always wanted to be a victim to a vampire...sigh! i wish i were a better actress (or better writer, but i am learning every day!)... then you would have believed this to be true!

22 November, 2004 13:04  

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