http://worldwidehelp.blogspot.com .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
caferati
A collaboration over too much coffee.
coffee and pen

13 December, 2004

Until ...

Sunlight comes slanting in through my Venetian blinds
Like stripes walking across the marble floor
Dancing a slow waltz till the day has gone down
And I keep watching them until you call me
As you walk in through the door

A thousand pigeons sit babbling on my terrace top
Like pendulums bob their heads lolled
Picking tiny grain till their measly hungers satisfy
And I keep watching them until you get me
Out of the lonely cold

Countless stars dazzle in the sky as I lie on my bed
Like angels showing off their haloed bliss
Puckering the smooth night till it receeds defeated
And I keep watching them until you turn me
Into your arms with that kiss

Labels:

2 Comments:

Blogger Max Babi said...

A pragmo-romantic poem Sonia,
to coin a new word...you in layers
come thru', with a taut and crisp manner.

However the line 'like pendulums bob their
heads lolled' pinches me -how come present
and past tense both in one single line?
Rewrite plz.
cheers

13 December, 2004 03:32  
Blogger Geetanjali said...

I really liked the analogies you've used here - specially
"Countless stars dazzle in the sky as I lie on my bed
Like angels showing off their haloed bliss
Puckering the smooth night till it receeds defeated"

I agree with Max about the 2nd stanza - the tenses jar - perhaps it would seem better with a semi-colon sperating the 2 phrases :- "Like pendulums bob; their heads lolled" ?

13 December, 2004 10:37  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Front Page